Talking Story

Many years ago my husband's family permanently relocated to Hawaii. Over the years we've been fortunate to travel to Oahu, enjoying glimpses into their island life. I always get a kick out of my brother-in-law who uses the expression "talking story" when referring to time spent with friends and family. The way I understand it, "talking story" is the Hawaiian Pidgin expression used to describe talking with friends and chit-chatting.  It's a time of sharing generational wisdom, telling folk tales, talking about events of the day and dreams or concerns for the future.  It's a wonderful time of fostering relationships and cultivating community. When everyone is done "talking story," it's back to life.

Upon closer reflection, I realized that I "talk story" in my own mind, all by myself, and I bet you do too! It's OK, it's how we process all that's going on:  our past, our present, and our future. We "talk story" to and with ourselves. But just like when we talk story with family and neighbors, it’s helpful to be able to get back to life as it’s unfolding.  If all we did was talk story, we’d miss out on a lot of life! 

Mindfulness invites us out of story and back into the present moment, and helps us create a healthy balance between talking story and living life.

I find connecting to the senses particularly helpful for getting back to life. Connecting to the sense of sight, touch/feeling, hearing/sound, smell, and taste, in the present moment with curiosity and kindness helps me (try to) stay present. When we bring awareness to what we’re experiencing through our senses it can help our nervous systems realize that “in this moment, we’re safe enough”.  (This is one of the trauma-informed practices that we share  with our community partners). 

Because the mind likes to wander, I still find I end up "talking story" to myself even while practicing awareness of the senses. When I notice I'm "talking story" to myself, I take the opportunity to notice what it is that I’m telling myself:  is there  judgment about my experience, a mental to-do list, or an emotion that wants some attention?  

Recently, for example, as I gazed out the window, I took in the yellow forsythia starting to bloom.  And then came the story, ”Gosh, I really need to get gardening, my flower beds are a mess."   Just like that - from beautiful spring flowers to a to-do list with a hint of judgment!!  In noticing the "story" I can take a big breath in and out, and begin again, making my way gradually through the different sights, sounds, sensations, smells and tastes available to me, each time I notice story, coming back to the senses.  And because our brains are trainable, each time I return to the present moment, it makes it easier for me to stay there, or notice when my attention has wandered the next time. 

It's a process. It's a practice. 

Wishing you moments of easeful awareness of sights, sounds, smells, and sensations just as they are, and loads of compassion when your mind wanders and "talks story". 
 

Julia Hepfer
Operations Manager, Facilitator